I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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