I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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