first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
