Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
People in love make me want to vomit
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
