but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
