Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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