I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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