i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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