I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
