so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
