I think I died a long time ago.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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