Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
