dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
