he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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