If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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