I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
