Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
