I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
