we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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