You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
