party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
