I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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