mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
