why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
