Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
