Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
