Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
