just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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