Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My balls are so social today.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
