apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
