I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
