I looked at my own cervix.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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