i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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