She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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