my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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