Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
