i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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