Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
