I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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