i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
