im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
