Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
