No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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