so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
