omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
