jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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