my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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