someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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