Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
