I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
