3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
