Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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