I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
