Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
