my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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